Shifting Your Comparisons

These exercises are from the CBT Deck by Seth Gillihan with my thoughts added. Give them a try, if you have the time, and tell me what you think. No pressure, but they could be helpful. 

There is a saying, “Comparison is the Thief of Joy”

Notice today when you’re comparing yourself unfavorably to others’ good fortune or success. These comparisons are often painful and trigger feelings of envy and inadequacy. 

Then, expand the frame: Who is worse off than you? 

What do you have or what have you accomplished that others might admire or even envy?

 What happens emotionally when you make this mental shift? 

It can be hard to have a right view of ourselves and our circumstances at times. Many of us either underestimate or overestimate the significance or severity of what we are going through. If faced with a loss of a beloved pet, someone may think, “Well, at least I didn’t lose my sibling like my friend did.” This can be good to put the loss in perspective but can be detrimental if this thought process doesn’t allow the person permission to grieve their pet because it doesn’t seem as big as losing a sibling. 

Another example would be comparing yourself to a more successful friend or family member. This can be especially problematic among siblings. Maybe your sibling has a more prestigious job and makes $200,000 a year. Maybe you have a good performance review and are offered a $2000 raise. If you are too busy comparing your success to your sibling’s, then you will not feel properly excited about the raise. You will be too concerned that it is not as much money as your sibling makes. 

The key is to have the right perspective on what we are going through- not belittling and not exaggerating your plight. This can help us to avoid unfair comparison with others as we are seeing our our issues in the proper light. 

Do you struggle with comparison? Are there certain areas of your life or with certain people that you struggle with this?